A few grievances to kick this off
Lucky for all of you I have made blogging and writing more in general a New Year's resolution. Of course, until I get that writing up to the level it was at when I was doing a quite a bit of freelancing a few years back, you may not be so lucky at all to have read this stuff. But we have to start somewhere.
So I started a new blog last week called G-man politics, and I feel like the other blogs about music and sports I want to start should also be part of a "G-man" series--my nickname being that I am a diehard New York Giants fan, and have been for almost 50 years (yikes). Also, since I see the world like Jerry Seinfeld and Marc Maron and Larry David do, I'm a cranky middle aged dude who likes to complain. So I thought it would be fun to air grievances here. Again, lucky you!
Let's do this.....
Grievance #1-- Tailgaters. Yeah, let's talk about the fucking tailgaters. I don't mean people who like to get to a sporting event several hours early to hang out and drink beer and eat grilled meats and other game day food in the parking lot leading up to kickoff. I have no problem with those people. No, I'm talking about the assholes who feel the need to get up close enough to the back of my car that they can count the specks of dirt on my bumper.
I was taught in driver's ed to give a two-second cushion between me and the car in front of me. That means counting out "one-one thousand-two" as the car in front of you passes a landmark like a tree or utility pole, and making sure you can count to two before you pass that same landmark. But too many people tail so closely that they probably can't even finish getting the first "one" out. Needless to say, this is really fucking dangerous.
And I'd say it's just where I live, in Madison. But the truth is I've lived in New York, Ohio, and Tennessee and it's the same in all of those places. I think it might be a requirement in driver's ed classes now to see how close you can get without hitting the car in front of you. That, or people are just in too much of a goddamn hurry, and/or and are just assholes. Oh, and you'd also think that things would be different in blinding rain or snow, or even on icy roads. But you would be wrong.
I've thought about inventing a foam middle finger that you can eject from the back of your car when needed. Maybe I'll keep working on that prototype.
Grievance #2a--Sprinklers in the produce aisle. Don't you just love when you reach for a head of lettuce and get soaked by the sprinklers that seem to spray every 20 seconds or so? Not only do you risk getting soaked, the amount of water that winds up on all of that produce makes it start to wilt and turn brown, making it far less appealing than if it was dry. I mean, even if you're worried about a few specks of sand in your spinach, you can wash that off yourself. You don't need the produce manager to basically drown it for you, reducing its shelf life by at least half.
Grievance #2b--While we're in the produce aisle, can we talk about the size of the fruit?
Since when are apples and pears the size of softballs? I don't know for sure, but I think it's so that Joe Grocer can sell you five apples that weigh a total of 10 pounds rather than 10 apples that weigh five pounds. I also think that some of our agriculture has fallen victim to corporate America like everything else, and growers are using, um, performance enhancing substances to make your sweet potatoes look like Mark McGwire's arms. It's just my take, so don't send Big Farm after me.
So I started a new blog last week called G-man politics, and I feel like the other blogs about music and sports I want to start should also be part of a "G-man" series--my nickname being that I am a diehard New York Giants fan, and have been for almost 50 years (yikes). Also, since I see the world like Jerry Seinfeld and Marc Maron and Larry David do, I'm a cranky middle aged dude who likes to complain. So I thought it would be fun to air grievances here. Again, lucky you!
Let's do this.....
Grievance #1-- Tailgaters. Yeah, let's talk about the fucking tailgaters. I don't mean people who like to get to a sporting event several hours early to hang out and drink beer and eat grilled meats and other game day food in the parking lot leading up to kickoff. I have no problem with those people. No, I'm talking about the assholes who feel the need to get up close enough to the back of my car that they can count the specks of dirt on my bumper.
I was taught in driver's ed to give a two-second cushion between me and the car in front of me. That means counting out "one-one thousand-two" as the car in front of you passes a landmark like a tree or utility pole, and making sure you can count to two before you pass that same landmark. But too many people tail so closely that they probably can't even finish getting the first "one" out. Needless to say, this is really fucking dangerous.
And I'd say it's just where I live, in Madison. But the truth is I've lived in New York, Ohio, and Tennessee and it's the same in all of those places. I think it might be a requirement in driver's ed classes now to see how close you can get without hitting the car in front of you. That, or people are just in too much of a goddamn hurry, and/or and are just assholes. Oh, and you'd also think that things would be different in blinding rain or snow, or even on icy roads. But you would be wrong.
I've thought about inventing a foam middle finger that you can eject from the back of your car when needed. Maybe I'll keep working on that prototype.
Grievance #2a--Sprinklers in the produce aisle. Don't you just love when you reach for a head of lettuce and get soaked by the sprinklers that seem to spray every 20 seconds or so? Not only do you risk getting soaked, the amount of water that winds up on all of that produce makes it start to wilt and turn brown, making it far less appealing than if it was dry. I mean, even if you're worried about a few specks of sand in your spinach, you can wash that off yourself. You don't need the produce manager to basically drown it for you, reducing its shelf life by at least half.
Grievance #2b--While we're in the produce aisle, can we talk about the size of the fruit?
Since when are apples and pears the size of softballs? I don't know for sure, but I think it's so that Joe Grocer can sell you five apples that weigh a total of 10 pounds rather than 10 apples that weigh five pounds. I also think that some of our agriculture has fallen victim to corporate America like everything else, and growers are using, um, performance enhancing substances to make your sweet potatoes look like Mark McGwire's arms. It's just my take, so don't send Big Farm after me.
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